FFN 019: Communication Solves Everything

Communication solves EVERYTHING: your relationship with your wife or girlfriend and/or your children, your business, your clients, your health, and your overall sanity and well-being. In order to reach your full potential, you'll have to learn to be a better communcator.

Transcript - Communication Solves Everything

Men, what is going on today?! This is Ryan Michler. I am your host and the founder of Order of Man. Order of man is a group, a community, a tribe, a fraternity, a band of men coming together to help each other become better men – better husbands, better fathers, better business owners, better community leaders, just better men.

To do that, we have this podcast where we release shows each Tuesday and Friday, we have a blog, we have a Facebook Community – which you should join if you haven’t already at www.facebook.com/groups/orderofman - and we have an elite Mastermind, The Iron Council which you can get the details to at www.orderofman.com/ironcouncil.

Alright, now that we have that out of the way, let’s get into the topic of today’s show communication. If you’ve been listening to the show for a while now, you know this is a short show released each Friday on a topic I’ve been thinking about throughout the week. Make sure you subscribe, if you haven’t already, to this podcast so you never miss a Friday Field Notes or our interview show with some of the world’s greatest men which is released each Tuesday.

Now, why do I want to talk about communication? Because, it solves EVERYTHING! Hence the title of the podcast today. Now I know, without fail, I’m going to have someone reach out and suggest a situation in which communication doesn’t solve the problem but, look guys, I’m talking about the big stuff – the stuff that’s important to you: your relationship with your wife or girlfriend, your children, your business, your clients, your health, and your overall sanity and well-being.

If you can’t wrap your head around communication you, at best, not going to measure up to your full potential and, at worst, you’re going to struggle in life. I mean really struggle.

I haven’t always been a great communicator. My marriage nearly fell apart 7 years ago because I couldn’t communicate. My businesses did now grow as fast as I thought it should because I did not know how to communicate. I don’t have as much wealth in my life because I haven’t always been a great communicator.

I’ve obviously got some room for improvement but through some of the things I’m going to share with you here today, I’ve become better and I’ve seen HUGE improvements in every area of my life.

Now, before I give you some real tactical tips for becoming a better communicator that you can start implementing today, I want to run a couple communication styles past you. And, as I do, I want you to picture someone in your life who would fall under each of these styles. How do they make you feel? How badly do you want to follow them? How much do you want to serve them? Do they drive you to be better? Or, do they pull you down?

So, let’s talk about this first style. This is the AGGRESSIVE communicator. This is someone who is dominant. They try to strong-arm every situation and they do and say anything to get the job done regardless of the wake of destruction they leave behind.

There are positives to this communicator. Obviously, this is someone who knows what he wants. He’s unafraid of letting people know. He will get the job done.

But, all that comes at an expense. This is not a leader you or anyone else would follow for long and they typically end up burning through their relationships really quickly.

If I don’t check myself, I’m really capable of falling into this category extremely fast.

On the opposite side of the spectrum we have the next style of communicator which is PASSIVE communication. This is a person who is timid. He or she is weak and feeble. They typically get trampled and let others say and do anything they want.

They probably know what they want to some degree but they don’t want to tell anyone out of fear it would put someone out or challenge the status quo.

This person’s strengths are kindness and compassion but it comes at the expense of their own well-being, satisfaction, and fulfillment. In fact, this is the kind of person that snaps without any warning and goes completely insane even if just for a minute. It’s not a healthy way to live.

Next, we have a mix of the two – the PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE communicator. This person is snide, sarcastic, they make comments that are disguised as humor but underneath are actually insults.

These people are scared. They don’t know how to stand up for themselves in a mature manner so they use humor and sarcasm as a tool to create a wall between what they really want and their inability to say it.

They can be likeable people – at first. Everyone loves the class clown for a while. But, it wears off because we begin to see the person isn’t really funny – they’re just angry.

The fourth communicator is the ASSERTIVE communicator. This is a person who knows exactly want they want and they have no problem telling people. When you ask an assertive communicator their opinion, they’ll share it whether that’s telling you where they’d like to eat or what they want to accomplish in life.

This is not necessarily a person who likes confrontation but won’t shy away from it just because someone may not like it and get offended. They know when to be more passive, they know when to be more aggressive, and they know how to use humor to lighten the conversation if needs be.

There’s a misconception that says that assertiveness is about eliminating your emotions. It isn’t. It’s not about eliminating your emotions – it’s about understanding them and acting accordingly. If the situation calls for silence, an assertive communicator can be silent. If the situation call for violence, an assertive communicator is willing and able to do what needs to be done.

So those are the communication styles. Now that you know them and what we should strive to be more like, let me give you some quick insights – some of your marching orders for this week for yourself.

First, reflect on what type of communicator you currently are. Like I mentioned, I have a tendancy to revert back to the aggressive style which is something I’m always working on. Think about your conversations. How did they go? How can you improve? How did people respond? Ask those closest to you what they think about the way you communicate. The key here is to understand your baseline so you can improve.

Next, look around and people you admire and observe what type of communicators they are? How to they speak? What words, tempo, inflection, and pace do they use in their talk? How do the people around them respond? How do they deal with difficult situations?

Next, you’ve got to practice. I talk about action all the time. This is what I’m talking about here. Practice telling people what’s on your mind. Make suggestions and recommendations to people. If someone asks you your opinion, give it to them. When things go wrong, take a breath, remove yourself from the situation and find a new way to approach it.

And, last, review. This comes back to evaluation. At the end of every day, think back on your conversations. What did you do well? What do you need to improve? And, how will you do that better tomorrow?

So there you have it – a quick overview to communication – why it’s so important you learn to be a better communicator, the communication styles, and a few things you can do today to be a more effective communicator which makes you a better leader which makes you a better man.

If you’re interested in taking another step, I would encourage you to join the Iron Council. It’s our elite mastermind over 100 strong now. These are men who are taking serious strides in their relationships, their wealth, their health, and their personal goals. And, they’re learning how to be better communicators. We communicate through our closed Facebook Group, you our weekly calls, and some of these guys have even become Team Leaders in the Iron Council. If you want to learn more about it, go to www.orderofman.com/ironcouncil

Until next week guys, be a better communicator, a better leader, a better man, and live manfully!