I’ve got a lot of questions about why I started Order of Man and since this month March of 2017 will mark the two year anniversary, I figured I’d give you a little insight into why I even started this project which has now become a movement that literally spans the entire planet and has impacted hundreds of thousands of people everywhere.
As I was thinking about what to talk with you about today, I was thinking that it has been two years since I talked about the origins of Order of Man my very first podcast which you can find at www.orderofman.com/001/ and a YouTube Video I did which, after watching again, is actually pretty funny to see. I had no clue what the hell I was doing and my beard was significantly shorter than it is today.
Before I get into this too much and give you some of my takeaways from the last couple years, I do want to give you a couple resources if you’re listening to this and you want more.
Now, let’s jump into the conversation I wanted to have with you today. As I mentioned before, I started this project two years ago. In fact, as I was thinking about what I wanted to say today, I noticed that our very first podcast was released March 24, 2015 and what I can tell you is that it has been an incredible journey.
A lot of you guys know that I am a financial advisor by trade – I have been for nearly a decade – and I actually started a podcast in another life geared towards helping health care professionals with their financial planning needs. I did about 20 episodes and realized very quickly that I really enjoyed the medium of podcasting but I wanted to have deeper conversation about some things that have always been on my mind.
And, many of you know that I grew up without a permanent father-figure in my life. I actually had three different father-figures as I was growing up and what I can tell you is that none of them were really great examples for me to follow as I got married and started having children of my own.
In high school I always felt a little out of place. Confidence was a big issue for me. You wouldn’t know it now because I’ve done a lot of work on myself to grow my confidence in all aspects of my life but the biggest manifestation of my lack of confidence was a desire for me to fit in with the crowd. I wanted to sit at the cool kids table.
Fortunately for me, I was a decent athlete. Not a great athlete, but a decent one and my mom, who was raising me and my sister, had enough vision to realize that I needed to be around other boys and other men.
I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t playing soccer, football, or baseball. And through that time on the football field and baseball diamond, I learned a lot about how to interact with other men. I had some incredible coaches who I considered to be quasi-father-figures and I did fairly well in sports and school.
I joined the military when I was in high school and had the opportunity to serve my country for 8 years including an active-duty tour in Iraq in 2005-2006. That was another opportunity for me to learn how to be a man and how men interact with each other.
Things in my life have never been bad. I didn’t grow up extremely poor (my mom did a great job at providing for us), I never got into much trouble, and, frankly, I’ve always been a middle-of-the pack kind of guy.
It wasn’t until I got married and started having kids that the challenges of my youth started to manifest themselves.
A lot of you listening to me right now know that my marriage almost ended in divorce. My wife and I went through a separation that we almost did not recover from. I had a one year old son at the time.
I remember nights alone in our home where I would lay on the floor and talk to a picture of my son on the wall. I remember how dark that time was for me.
And, looking back at it now, and through all the work I’ve done on myself, I realize that I created that situation. When I tell people that, I usually get the response, “it takes two in a relationship. It was probably her fault too.” And, while I can see the validity in that and agree to a point, there is absolutely nothing I can do to control another person.
I remember the road I was on. I remember the cross street I was passing through when it hit me like a ton of bricks that my marriage might be over but I was determined to change myself and to become the man I knew I was capable of becoming. If my marriage was over, I was going to be the best catch I could be for the next woman to come into my life.
And, so it began. I started working out. I got my finances in order. I started consuming self-help type information. I found mentors in my coach and business and, long story short, my wife recognized the changes in me and she was attracted to that. I was becoming that man she initially married. We will be married for 13 years this year, we’ve got 4 amazing children, and although we have our hard times, both of us are stronger having gone through that time.
For a long time I was afraid to tell anyone about those times. I was worried about what they might think of me and that they would judge what type of man I was. But, as I started to open up more and more I realized that there were so many men in my life who were experiencing similar things in theirs but weren’t willing to talk about it.
I recognized that men needed help in some of these areas and, while I certainly don’t have it all figured out, I have learned some things and it has now become my life’s mission to share what I know – the good, the bad, and the ugly – so that I can be a catalyst for change in the lives of millions of men across this planet.
I know there’s a lot of information out there on how to be a better man. There’s podcast, and books, and websites, and YouTube Channels, and just about every other form of content but I knew I had some thing to say and this little voice kept calling to me saying it was time for me to throw my hat in the ring. And, that’s exactly what I did in March of 2015.
Since then, the message of Order of Man which is about teaching men that it is our responsibility to protect, provide, and preside in our families, our business, our communities, and our lives is what makes us men, has spanned the entire planet. We’ve impacted hundreds of thousands of men, our podcast is downloaded nearly 300,000 times each month, and we’re just getting started.
It’s a testament to the power of men banding together in a common cause, a common message, and a common goal.
I might have to save some of my takeaways over the last two years for another show for the sake of time but let me give you a rundown of my biggest lessons:
First, people need to hear what we have to say. We’ve had experiences other people have gone through. We have the answers someone else might need. We need to continually find a way to overcome the fear of rejection in sharing that message.
Second, there is no perfect. Perfect is a myth. If we continue to wait for everything to be perfect, we’ll never execute. And, one day, as we’re lying on our deathbeds, we’ll look back on our life and ask “why didn’t I do that one thing I always wanted to do?”
Third, if you’re waiting for permission, you’ll be waiting a long time. No one is going to give you permission to do something bold. That is 100% on you.
Next, not everyone is going to believe in you. Who cares? You’re not in this for them. They’re not going to pay your bills. This is your life. Not everyone is going to believe in you but the right people are and they are the people that truly matter.
And, the last point I want to share with you is consistency. Consistency in action is the key to results in your life. Whether you’re trying to build a deep and intimate relationship with your wife, or get in shape, or start a business, or grow your bank account, the key is always stay consistent in your action. That’s one of the few things I’ve done very well over the past several years. I don’t know if that’s because I stubborn or too stupid to know any better but consistency has served me well.
Gentlemen, I hope that sheds some light into who I am and what the mission of The Order is. I want to thank you. Genuinely. From the bottom of my heart. This movement would not exist without you. I would not be having this conversation with you if you weren’t here to receive it.
I ask that you keep sharing this message. I ask that you continue to invite the men in your life to the powerful movement all of us are creating.
But, above all, I ask that you always take action and become that man you were meant to be.
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