Ryan Michler recently recorded a unique episode of Friday Field Notes straight from a hunting lodge in Minnesota. Despite being in the middle of a whitetail deer hunt with his son and friends, he upheld his twelve-year streak of never missing a podcast episode. The message he delivered was urgent: there are three subconscious habits that are quietly destroying men today. These habits are devious because they often disguise themselves as justifiable, or even positive, behaviors.
Distraction is not always as obvious as a toxic friend or a destructive vice. Often, it manifests as a "noble distraction". You might use hours at the gym to avoid doing necessary emotional work, or bury yourself in your career to avoid dealing with a failing relationship. Men will even use church leadership or community service as an excuse to neglect their primary responsibilities at home. If an activity, no matter how positive it seems on the surface, is used to run away from your spiritual, relational, or financial obligations, it is actively harming you.
When life goes sideways, the male ego often tells us to hole up and isolate. We convince ourselves that we are a "lone wolf" or a "badass" who doesn't need anyone's help. This mindset is a lie. Isolating yourself makes you physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually weaker. The most significant positive events in our lives rarely happen in a vacuum; they are the result of connections. You cannot generate new, life-changing ideas if you restrict your input to the six inches between your own ears. You must put yourself in environments with other men who will challenge and push you.
When life spirals out of control, the natural urge is to sedate. Men do this through alcohol, drugs, pornography, gambling, or simply completely tuning out in front of the television. When you face financial hardship, a struggling marriage, or rebellious kids, sedation provides a temporary escape. It provides a false sense of control. True men must learn to experience life’s hardships without the crutch of sedation. You must confront the struggle head-on, and as you do, you build the resilience and skill necessary to navigate future challenges.
If you want to stop acting like a boy and start showing up powerfully for your family, you must actively root out distraction, isolation, and sedation. Confront your life directly, learn the necessary skills, and stand your ground.
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